


TheeWrites-TF2 (Oneshots, Requests, it's all here!)

by TheeWrites_TF2



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Assassin - Freeform, Blood, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Mercenaries, Might be some NSFW, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Requests, Stupidity, not sure yet - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-01-18 22:34:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12397617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheeWrites_TF2/pseuds/TheeWrites_TF2
Summary: People send me requests, I write stuff, and it all comes right back here.There will be Warnings for each chapter!Some One-Shots may have more then one part ;)I take requests! Tumblr URL: https://theewrites-tf2.tumblr.com/askEnjoy!





	1. Scout & The very bad, not great, terrible, no-good, oh god why, Idea (PART 1)

**Author's Note:**

> The first of hopefully, MANY Oneshots, This baby was literally the very first Team Fortress thingy-majig I ever wrote. 
> 
> At 2 AM, after watching all TF2 videos over the course of one very long, but entertaining night.
> 
> So, sit back, enjoy, and watch as Scout forgets how the 'science' of grenades work!!!
> 
> Prompt: Scout asks a question. Everyone wants to know the answer, despite how fast it could go horribly, but hilariously wrong.

_**Prompt: Scout asks a question. Everyone wants to know the answer, despite how fast it could go horribly, but hilariously wrong.** _

**Warnings: Scout being a smartass, mild language, and grenades. Welcome to TF2.**

* * *

* * *

 

"Yo, what's faster? A grenade or a bat?”

“...Scout, no.”

The twenty-something runner frowned, slumped over the back of the mysteriously red stained couch. “What? ‘m only askin’, would the grenade or the bat win?” He insisted, swinging his legs over the couch, ignoring the glare Engineer sent him when his dusty cleats connected with the worn down seat cushion. “ Ok, picture this!” Scout said dramatically, eyes lighting up. “Middle o’ battle, some schmuck decides, yo! Imma throw this grenade at the badass lady-killa over on RED…”

“Now, how would one of them BLU bastards throw a grenade at Spy? Most likely, he'd be invisible by that point.” He said honestly, though his smirk was clear on his face. Scout stuck his tongue out at the googled man in irritation of having been interrupted, and his female wooing skills mocked. “So, they decide, ‘Yo, imma throw this grenade at the badass Scout over there on RED, yeah!” He jumped up from the couch, and, to the Engineers uneasiness, whipped out the hell-stick, also known as Scouts baseball bat, and officially known (at least by Scout and whoever bothered to remember the name) as Denise.

“But then I whip out ol’ Denise, and WHAM!” Scout proceeded to swing the bat wildly, a grin on his face. “I send the grenade back, into their dumb faces, ‘fore it blows those dumasses on BLU to smithereens, and the crowd goes wild!!!” The boy bowed to his imaginary audience, blowing a few smooches into his fabricated crowd, all the while Engie just raised a brow. “Scout, I'm sure you'd have a mighty fine time with doing just that,” He started, before turning back to his half-finished blueprint, pencil back in hand. “But I don't think that's ever gonna be possible. Ever.” He added that last but for good measure, praying to Mother Mary that this boy would actually listen, because he REALLY didn't want to see that happen on the battlefield the following Monday.

Beside the couch, Scout got a gleam in his eyes. It wasn't a rare gleam, and a few other members in the team would swear that it was identical to a look one of the other members of RED would get in their eyes, once they had a idea. An idea that, no matter the outcome, they were going to go through with it. No, it wasn't a rare look, but it scared the hell out of anyone who saw it on the RED Scout's face.

“I,” He announced boldly, shouldering Denise and puffing out his chest confidently. “‘ m gonna hit a grenade with my bat, and send it back into the stupid face of who threw it.”

Engineer didn't look up from him blueprints, “Good luck.” He called over, and Scout deflated slightly at the lack of awe and respect in his voice… Then  _ that _ look returned, and he grinned. “Imma do it right  _ now _ .” He challenged, and at this did the older man look at the youngster with a concerned look, before a dangerous look came over his face, and Scout didn't need the googles removed to see the murderous look in his eyes. “Not in MY lab, you're not.” Engie growled, grabbing his wrench and flexing his arm muscles in preparation for beating the snot out of anyone who messed with his workspace. The boy quickly backed up, waving his hands as a distraction, “Not in ‘ere, man, CHILL!” He insisted, eyes wide. “I was gonna go ask Sols to go do it, yeah? Don't worry, your precious nerd-space ain't gonna go up in smoke!”

The Texan lowered his wrench slightly, “Boy, I don't think that's the greatest idea. Respawn-” “Is workin’ fine!” Scout interrupted, walking towards the exit. Engie have his blueprints a glance, before following after the boy. “Now, Scout, listen. Respawn may be running smoothly and all, but we haven't seen what happens if you gotta go through it on a Saturday.” He tried to persuade him, because he had no idea how long the newly updated Respawn worked on non-battle days. On battle days, a man could be blown to smithereens, before returning on the battlefield in roughly three to five minutes. The Administrator, thankfully, kept the life saving machines running over weekend, however the time between every Respawn varied unpredictability during the weekly 48 hour ceasefire. 

He honestly didn't want RED in a position where the Scout wouldn't respawn until next week.

Scout walked out of the lab, smirking at his captive audience. “Eh, don't sweat so much about it, hard-hat! That grenade ain't even gonna TOUCH me!” He swung Denise a few times as practice, until he saw the living mountain passing by with a… book in his hands? 

That would not do at all.

_ Wham! _ Engineer winced as he watched the young man swing the hell-stick against Heavy’s book on the worn blue cover, sending the aged book flying into the wall next to them. Scout merely grinned up at the huge, now very irritated giant. “Yo-Ho, Tubby! You should swing by the battleground in the next hour, ‘stead of reading some trashy poetry… Words are for nerds, imma man of  _ action _ .” He gave a glare to the book, before walking past Heavy, off to go annoy some of the other members of RED. The Heavy Weapons Man of Red, carefully picked up his book, dusting it off before turning to the Texan. “Boy is looking to get killed, yes?” He asked, gesturing with the assaulted book. “Well, heh, not exactly.” Engie said, “He's just looking for attention is all. That alone might be the thing that gets him killed.”

Heavy nodded affirmingly, “Yes. Heavy will take care of Leetle boy. Leetle boy dies today.” He stated calmly, and began turn the way he saw the Boston head to, before the Texan Mechanic quickly raced in front of him, halting his movements. “Now, hold on. Yes, I agree that that boy is nothin’ but an annoyance today, but I don't think sending him to Respawn more than once today is gonna change that… Might just make his attitude worst, is all in saying.” The Russian behemoth raised a brow, “More than once?” He echoed quizzically, and the Engineer sighed before quickly going over Scouts plan of attack against a grenade.

“--and I am tellin’ you, that boy ain't gonna be back from respawn until next Thursday! Hell, maybe not even then, I haven't seen how the new system works on weekends!” He finished, half talking to himself at this point. Heavy had a thoughtful look on his face. “So, leetle Scout is going to blow self up?” He asked, not sounding as concerned as Engineer. Engi nodded, and the taller man looked thoughtful for a moment, before nodding. “I will get Doktor and the popping corn.” He confirmed, a grin on his face, ignoring the Texans startled look. “N-now hold on, I don't think we should be ENCOURAGING this…”

* * *

 

“Doktor! Make the popping corn!”

“Ah, _hell_ , wait just a moment...!”

“Grab bags for body too! Leetle Scout is going to go BOOM.”

* * *

_**To Be Continued...** _

 


	2. REQUEST: Scout X Mercenary S/O (GENDER NEUTRAL)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( seven-magic-sins ) requested: Maybe a one-shot with an S/O that's a merc? (Separate job but ay, still a trained hired killer)
> 
> And so, I present a Gender neutral Assassin/Mercenary S/O, with Scout being an attention ho. I hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> Warnings: Slight violence, implied death (mercenaries, duh) and Scout trying to be sexy. Enjoy.

“If I miss my shot, I'm turning my gun in you.” Scout merely grinned in response, raising his chin atop their head as they steadied the sniper rifle along the windowsill. “Nah, it won't be my fault if ya missed. Maybe ya just suck at ya jo- _Oof._ ” He grunted in pain as his ‘acquaintance’ dug an elbow into his side, silencing his jeer for a moment. The Bostian pouted, rubbing his wounds, “Ya not fun,” he stated, and the waiting assassin merely grunted in response. “Seriously, I take the weekend off to come visit ya, _ya don't wanna know how pissed my ma was when I said I couldn't come home this weekend_ , and-” He rambled on, but he was promptly ignored. The target was due to leave the bank in about ten to fifteen minutes; a drug lord from down south that pissed off someone from up north.

The trained merc didn't really care about the details. They got handed a huge wad of cash, and that was it. As they went to adjust their position, they stiffened as they felt their boyfriend shift behind them, now in a more… **_distracting_** position.

 _“Scout.”_ The warning was sharp and clear, but the Merc behind them only smirked against their neck, pressing his lips against their collarbone. “Hey~” He said, a grin on his face and a challenge in his eyes. “Improv makeout session. You in?”

“... I have a gun in my hand. Very deadly.”

  
“I noticed, you in?”

  
“My target is due in ten minutes.”

  
“Mm, fascinating. I still wanna make out, smash faces, exchange spit and all that jazz.”

  
“Scout, if I miss this shot, _I swear to god-...”_

  
“If ya are a good mercenary, _ya won't miss.”_ He said simply, leaning back in case their reaction was less than positive. “Now, we can either have a really hot makeout session or I can keep whining and complaining for the next few hours, and we both know from experience how terrible that would be. Those are ya options, babe.” He then crossed his arms, waiting for an answer.

The mercenary held their position against the windowsill for a few seconds, and Scout opened his mouth to begin the whining session, when the assassin reached over and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him away from the window and moving to the rolling bag that had served as a stake-out bed for the last few days. “Let's make it quick.” Was their last words, and Scouts was an overly smug, very enthusiastic “Oh hell yeah,” before they quickly silenced each other of words, only muted noises and heavy breaths sounding from the two mercs.

* * *

* * *

 

A few moments later, large, greasy haired man exited the bank across the street, a smug look on his face and a suitcase in hand. He gave a sharp glare at his limo driver, yelling at the younger man in his native language, and the boy seemed to shrink under the insults. He ran around the long car, and started to open the bosses door, when a shot rang out and a loud thump sounded as his boss… well, ex-boss crumpled lifelessly to the ground. Poor Ricardo, the limo driver, just stared for a long moment, before sending out a long, thankful prayer before high tailing it to the nearest phone booth.

* * *

* * *

 

The assassin held their position, breathing heavily with sweat on their brow. “... Close, that was very close.” From the roll out bed in the corner, and equally breathless, Scout asked, “Ya got ‘im though, yeah?” A nod was the response he got, and he grinned, sitting up and moving over, hair a frantic mess and shirt half off his frame. His friend stood, closing the curtains, and nodding to him, “You don't like Miami, right? Because I don't think you should come back here for the next... year or so, just in case.” The merc said, straightening out their clothes and moving around the small stake-out room, grabbing their stuff. Scout paused to hand them a few things, a disappointed look in his eyes. “We aren't gonna continue where we left off? No celebration?” He whined, and he received a smirk in response.

“You said improv makeout session, nothing else, sorry not sorry.” The Boston glared. “I thought the rest would just, I don't know… Come in a package set!” The assassin merely laughed, now relaxed after a job well done. As police sirens started to sound from the streets of Miami, they pulled out a small ticket to Colorado, handing it to the other Mercenary in the room. “Here’s your train ticket, meet me there in nine-and-a-half hours. If you run into trouble, run and don't get caught; I'll assume the worse if your not there in ten, alright?”

Scout raised his brow at the destination, “Ya got a second job there or something?” “Nope, but I wouldn't want you to waste the rest of your weekend with me…” They smirked, and Scout found himself grinning right back. “I'll be there in nine.” He boasted, and he watched as they picked up the last of their stuff, turning to the window with the fire escape. “Go over the windowsill, make sure I didn't leave any prints, ok?” They called, and he answered back, “Sure… By the way, should probably put on a turtleneck… left you a present on your neck.” He smirked, watching them then and raise an eyebrow at him, halfway out on the fire escape. They smirked back, reaching up and tapping their jaw line, “And you might wanna put on some concealer right there, babe.”

Scout blinked, reaching up to touch his own jawline, the dark trail of forming hickies going down to his collarbone. His eyes widen and the assassin laughed, going down the fire escape with the memory of his stunned face staying with them on their trip to Colorado.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a oneshot Request, or one hell of a good idea!!! Send it HERE:
> 
> https://theewrites-tf2.tumblr.com/ask


	3. Request: The Angel and the Engineer (Engie X Inhuman being)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> seven-magic-sins from Tumblr requested: ‘A one-shot with a demon/Angel/Inhuman s/o? I’m curious how the Mercs would go for it.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> seven-magic-sins, Thank you for the request, I had SO much fun planning and writing this one, and I hope it was worth the wait! Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy!

**_(Warnings: Mentions of God, Angels, Medic sold everyone's souls to the devil, and Engie lowkey flirts with a celestial being. Welcome to Team Fortress, and Enjoy.)_ **

When it first came to him, it had to appearance of a simple, yet stunning white cat. Mewling pitifully against his sentry, he was distracted from the bloodbath a few floors down he gently ran his hand through the fluffy, snow-white fur. How the feline got this far into the battlefield, the Texan had no idea. He briefly considered divine intervention, but then the Spy plunged his blade between his shoulder blades, ending his distracted musings.

The cat kept coming back, every day in the same area. Engineer made a small effort,  when the best work was done, to go check his little feline friend out. And one day, after a particularly harsh defeat from BLU, the Texan headed over with a small bowl of milk for his new feline friend… only to find a gorgeous, snow haired woman in the place of the cat.

Well, he was a skilled mercenary, so one couldn't blame him for trying to shoot it.

It vanished before he even finished whipping out his shotgun, and he was left standing there like a dumb cow, shotgun in hands and had halfway to the floor, because  _ how the hell did such a beautiful woman get this far into the battlegrounds _ ? Then again, how the hell did a  _ cat _ get this far. With that thought in mind, Engineer cautiously left the still-intact milk bowl on the closest ledge, did one last look around for the mystery woman, before hightailing out of their, still getting the feeling he wasn't completely alone. He avoided the spot for the next couple of days, before, after a small celebration following a particularly grand defeat of the BLU’s, he grabbed a beer, forced himself to leave his shotgun and quietly went up to the place where he first met his little visitor.

The moon shone down on her gorgeous fur, as she sat expectantly on the ledge, impossibly blue eyes shining and void of emotion. The milk bowl was long since empty, still where the Engineer had left it days ago. He ignored the cats eyes on him, as he quietly pulled up a chair alongside the ledge and cracked open his liquor when he sat down. The Texan could feel the eyes of his feline companion boring into his head, but he chose not to turn back, keeping his eyes focused on the moon above and not on the starring cat. Bringing his bottle to his lips, he nervously sipped the beer, feeling his nervousness rise as the silence stretched on. “Pretty night, ain’t it?” Engie heard the words leave his mouth before he could process them, but the cat didn’t flinch at the sudden intrusion of sound.

_ ‘So much for conversation,’ _ Engie thought, then stopped. ‘ _ Wait, am I honestly trying to converse with a cat?’ _ Only now was he realizing the true ridiculousness of it all. He sighed, putting his beer down and sitting up before facing the stone-faced kitty. “Alright, let’s just hurry up and get this over with.” The Texan said plainly, pointing a gloved finger at the cat. “If you're not entirely just a normal little cat, I want you to tell me now.”

Thank god none of the other Mercs were watching this little spectacle, or Engie would’ve died of embarrassment.

For a moment, nothing happened and the RED felt his ears grow hot as he flushed in embarrassment, pointing and accusing a goddamn  _ cat _ of being… Hell, he didn’t even have a clue of what it could be! Feeling a headache coming on, Engineer began to sit back down, until he felt everything come to a complete and total halt. His heart even froze, and for a moment, the world was entirely encased in white.

When Engie’s world came back to its senses, the cat was gone and in its place was a gorgeous snow-haired woman, those impossibly blue eyes watching the mercenary as he struggled to regain his bearings. “I apologize for the disturbance, Dell Conagher,” It spoke, and Engie numbly sat down, eyes blown wide, but hidden behind standard issued goggles. He swallowed thickly, mouth dry as his brain struggled to process  _ what was going on…  _

The woman tilted her head, watching him quietly. Dell slowly breathed out, closing his eyes before speaking. “So… Your the cat?” He asked dumbly, and the breathtaking being tilted her head a bit more. “A cat, is that how I appeared in your eyes?” She asked softly, before the corners of her mouth tilted upwards in the form of a smile. “For your friend, Lawrence Mundy, I believe I was, in his eyes, a owl.” Her smile vanished, “In the eyes of the  _ diabolus mangone,  _ I was one of his accursed doves.” Engie found himself blinking slowly, “... You mean Medic?... Well damn, now that I think about it, he mentioned there was a ‘ _ feathered intruder _ ’ about a week ago. That… That was you, ma'am?”

She nodded quietly, watching him carefully. “In the eyes of mortals, my kind appear in a form that their human minds can understand. For you, it was a cat.” The being smiled, a bit wider than before, curiosity in her eyes. “May I ask, why?” Engie paused, thinking for a long moment. “Well, ma'am… When I was a kid, he had plenty of barn cats.” He said honestly, thinking back to the family barn from his childhood. “Mostly for the mice, but they were pretty tame. Always whining for fresh milk, but they were innocent enough.” Engineer reached for his beer, taking a long, hard swing of the alcohol inside, before nodding to the stunning being before him. “Now, may I ask what exactly you are?”

“I am a Celestial Guardian of the Creators domain, tasked with protecting your souls from the grip of sin.” She said simply, blue eyes honest, honest enough that Engie wouldn't dare call her crazy, despite the words that just came out of her mouth. He instead brought the beer back up to his mouth, downing another excessive mouthful of the liquor, before lowering the bottle to give the ‘Celestial Guardian’ a grin. “So, you're saying our souls are in jeopardy? Because of the work we do, isn't it?” While the deaths of those sonofabitch BLU’s were never permanent, Engie guessed that perhaps respawn didn't count in the terms of ‘ _ Thou shalt not kill. _ ’ The woman before him shook her head, a frown on her face. “No, however the actions and dealings your friend Mr. Ludwig has made, has put your souls in a… precarious position.” She chose her words carefully, as if to avoid freaking out the Texan.

A kind gesture, but a bit late, seeing as how he was apparently conversing with a real-life angel.

The thought was just too bizarre, and he'd really, REALLY didn’t want to know exactly what Medic did to their souls to put him in this situation, so he quickly changed the subject, “Your very beautiful, ma'am, if I may say so.” Engie stated, pausing for a moment before adding, “Stunning, really.” The celestial being tilted her head, before dropping her eyes down to her arms, running her fingers over the flawless skin. “Hmm. I never see how humans choose to picture me. I am truly glad you… enjoy this image your mind has created for you...” When she raised her blue eyes back to his, Engie felt she could see through those goggles and look right into his soul. Then she looked away, and the connection was broken. “I must leave now.” The Celestial said simply, standing from the ledge and looking off into the horizon. “Your body needs rest, and I must return to the Creator to tell him of these events.” Engie could only reply with a simple, “Oh. Alright then.” She carefully looked back at him, before tilting her head, ‘What will you name me?”

“...Pardon?”

“My true name is far too ancient, and too powerful for your kind to repeat, but I would like you to be able to call me something. What will you name me, Dell Conagher?”

‘ _ Oh hell, _ ’ Was the first thought that popped into the Texans mind, as those deep, ancient blue eyes stared at him, waiting. He almost made a reach for his bottle again, but then he remembered the empty bottle. Dell paused for a long moment, before a thought crossed his mind and before he could banish it, he looked straight into those blue eyes and said, “Felidae. If you like it, that’s what I'm gonna call you.”

“Felidae...” She said softly, and closed her eyes, as though processing this new title. The being then opened her eyes, and smiled warmly down at him. “I accept this title.” Engie swallowed thickly, smiling back numbly. “So, uh… Is it in God’s plan that we will meet again?” He asked, trying to joke even though his heart was pounding wildly and his thoughts raced faster than electricity through a sapper. Felidae went silent, and closed her eyes, growing still and lost in her own thoughts. Her brilliant, stunning blue eyes opened, and she smiled at him almost coyly.

“Yes.” Felidae said, and then Engie felt his world, once again, completely and totally halt, before encasing in a world of pure white energy. When he came to his senses, the snow-haired celestial known as Felidae was gone, and his beer bottle had been refilled. Dell quietly grabbed the bottle, eyes locked on the placed the cat-turned-woman-turned-angel had stood, before throwing his head back and downing the contents of his beer.

He looked forward to the day he would see the ancient being again, but right now, Engineer wanted to get good and drunk before he questioned Medic on what the  _ HELL _ he did to their damn souls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I totally want to revisit this one-shot, I LOVED writing Felidae’s character, and more interactions with Engie are definitely planned! Don’t expect anything soon, but know that I DO plan to continue this!!!)


	4. Request: Engineer X Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Engineer X Reader  
> Scenario: You moved to Teufort last week. This is your first Friday working at thelocal bar, and some of the local mercenaries just strode on in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Engineer X Reader Oneshot
> 
> Never wrote a 'X Reader' fic, so please bare with me!!! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Feedback is awesome, and appreciated !

The first friday, after beginning to work at the nearby Teufort Bar, started out quite normal… You only noticed something was iffy, when the manager took one look at the clock, then proceeded to lock himself in the office, before bracing the door with a chair.

Upon asking your fellow employees, they quickly looked between each other, before quickly asking if you would be willing to work solo tonight. That was the second tell that something was seriously wrong, but the prospect of having all the extra tips tonight sounded pretty nice, so as soon as you gave a hesitant yes, your coworkers were out the door, and it was just you, the two passed-out drunks in the corner, and the lovely wait for whatever scared your coworkers off.

You had only moved to Teufort last Sunday, just for a change of scenery, if you were going to be honest. Teufort was a small town, and the locals were… interesting, but fairly harmless. Getting a job at the local bar had been fairly easy too, the manager had simple glanced you over, asked if you ever killed a man, before handing you the standard bartender dress-shirt. It was probably the easiest job interview you ever had.

As you wiped down the counter in boredom, the sound of tires screeching towards the bar sounded from outside, and you glanced up curiously towards the window. There was a loud crash from across the street, and the engine died after a minute, followed by the sound of a car door opening. The conversation, though it was across the street from the bar, was easily heard.

“Oh shit, not again.”  
“‘S not my fault, they should move their mailbox.”  
“You hit more than just the mailbox, Snipes!”  
“Well, maybe if you stayed in your seat and stopped changing the station every few seconds, I could've actually seen the road!”

The arguing was heading towards the front entrance, so you quickly sat up, ready to offer a welcoming (and slightly concerned) smile to the customers…

...Then the argument escalated, and someone got thrown through the window. You instantly ducked behind the counter, and briefly considered calling 911, until the front door opened. 

“Apologies for the window,” A thick Russian voiced called in, sounding irritated. “Leetle man did not quiet down in time. He will pay for repairs.” You slowly lifted your head up from behind the counter, looking over at the groaning, younger man lying in the remains of the window, stumbling up with a painful ‘My bad.’ You then looked over to the newcomers, men you had never seen before. A mountain of a man, quietly sat down, looking apologetic. “Will tip you well. Vodka, please.” 

As you quietly made his order, the other men filed in, including a tall, rugged looking man with sunglasses who paused to smirk down at the groaning younger man still on the ground. Quickly following was a black haired, well groomed man in glasses, who was supporting a gentleman in an eyepatch who… already had a bottle in his hand. He was mumbling, but offered you a quick wave as he stumbled into a bar stool, before passing out with his head on the counter. Quietly handing the huge Russian his drink, you smoked nervously at the party, “So, um… what'll it be, gentleman?”

The guy with eyepatch said something, but it wasn't really any words, just sounds. Glasses-Guy smiled politely, an ordered a mix drink in a thick German accent. The taller man, glanced over from smirking down at the boy lying on the ground, “Two beers.” “Make it three!” The final man from the little hang walked in, taking his yellow hard hat off when he came in. “Managed to pay for the damages done at the Millers place. No hard feelin’, but Scout, don't go around there for a week or so, they've got a shotgun with your name on it…” He trailed off as he came to the counter, as you were working.

After a long moment, he smiled, leaning forward over the counter, “Say, you're new here, ain't you?” You glanced up, and smiled politely back as you handed off the drink to Glasses. “Yeah, I only came here about a week ago… change of scenery.” You said lamely, as your attention was driven away, by Eyepatch arguing with his bottle, seemingly about… Politics?

“Heh, that's Demo, he's pretty attached to his liquor.” The man stated, before nodding to the other men of his party. “Heavy is the one downing your vodka supply, Medic here-” “Hello!” “-is the one with the fancy tastes, Sniper is over by the resident window breakin’ heathen, Scout.” The Texan ended his charade with a glare at the younger man. “Boy, get off the ground, your fine.” 

“No, it's fine.” You say, handing him his drink with a chuckle. “The boss probably won't unlock his office until tomorrow morning, so he won't tell at you if you wanna stay on the ground.” You received a thumbs up from the poor kid. The Texan took a large gulp of his drink, before holding out a gloved hand to you. “Call me Dell. I'm the resident Engineer.” He said warmly, and you smiled, shaking hands and taking him your name.

“So, an Engineer, a Demo, a Sniper, Heavy, a Scout and a Medic…” You mused. “Mind if I asked, what exactly do you guys do?” Dell faltered. “Ah, well, that's a funny story actually…” We kill others like us, before they come back to life, so neither of us can be charged with murder.” The Russian injected suddenly, downing another vodka bottle. The others waited for your reaction, but you only said, “Oh.”

Not the answer you were expecting, but certainly intriguing.

“It's a bit more than that, but… that's the gist of it.” The Engineer said apologetically said, before he glanced down at Scout. “You wouldn't mind… Just grab the boy a broom, he'll sweep it up.” “Oh no, it's fine, I'm ok with a bit of cleaning…” You tried to insist, but the Texan shook his head. “Nah, the punishment should fit the crime, as they say. He broke the window, he ought to sweep it up…” Suddenly, he flashed a blinding smile at you, and though you couldn't see his eyes past the googles, you could almost see the twinkle in them. “‘Sides, lovely thing like you shouldn't get a scraped and cut on glass. It'd be a absolute shame.”

You blinked, before quickly turning and walking away towards the broom closet with a chuckle and a grin. You've been hit on by many drunks at other bars, but that time…

Wow, were you really blushing?

When you made your way into the broom closet, you kept the door open a crack, and paused to hear their conversation.

“-cheesy as FUCK, Hard-Hat! Betcha they're callin’ up all their buddies right now, talking about the construction guy who's hitting on them at nine P.M.!”  
“You best keep on believing that, boy. My chances are still better than yours.”  
“Pfft, yeah right! Look, five bucks says you ain't getting their number within the next five minutes!”

There was a long pause, and you were worried that your most interesting bar visitors had walked up and left, until you heard Dell say, challengingly, “Boy, I can get it in two.”

You grinned, both excited and curious as to what this man was about to do to get your number. After quickly straighten your dress-shirt, you strode out of the broom closet, handing the broom to Scout, watching the Texan from the corner of your eye.

He calmly watched, waiting until you came back to the counter, before offering you another brilliant smile. Then, in a polite, friendly voice he said, “Since you were a witness to Scouts little ‘accident’ here tonight, would you mind giving me your number? Just so we can go over the details and settlements, of course.” You blinked, before you laughed when you saw Scouts face fall. Engineer smiled widely, as you pulled out a blank receipt and a pen. “I would love to ‘go over the details.’” You said, grinning back at him.

As you handed Engineer the paper that held your phone number, Demo lifted his head king enough to say to Scout, “‘Twas forty-seven seconds.”


	5. Scout X Gender Neutral SO Fluff (Birthday Request!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scout X (Gender Neutral) S/O Holiday Fluff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happy birthday present to a certain 'anon' (you know who are *wink*) I hope y'all enjoy, and look out for more requests in the coming days!!!

 

The car was thankfully well-heated, so it offered a wonderful view of the outer world, that was slowly being coated in white. Jeremy scanned the surrounding area, looking at the tall pines that filled up the surrounding terrain. He casually reached over to turn down the radio, a bit bummed that he wouldn’t be able to finish up Jones’s newest album as he turned off the road.

The Bostonian turned, smiling lightly at the blanket covered form next to him, before reaching over to shake the lump. “Hey, Babe… We’re here.” He tried to rouse them, but only got a muffled groan before shuffling away from the offending hand. Jeremy frowned, before smirking, quietly opening his door and reaching down towards the snow-covered ground, picking up a well sized snowball. For a moment, he wondered if this was over-kill… After deciding to totally was, he smirked and moved the blanket slightly, tossing the snowball onto the form beneath it. 

THe reaction was instantaneous, with his partner snapping up with a yelp. “J! What the hell?!” They cried, frantically brushing off the snow as the Scout laughed. “Sorry babe, but ya didn’ get up in time!” He insisted, raising his hands in defense as they tossed some melted slush at him. After a moment of this, they looked out the window, gazing over the terrain. “How long have we been driving?” They asked curiously with a yawn, and Jeremy reached towards the back, grabbing a familiar looking Red Sox hoodie. “‘Bout three hours I think. Should make it in time for dinner if we get done soon ‘nough.” He tossed his date a their green hoodie, before pulling on his own. “What, you looking to skip out early?” They teased, and he shook his head, pocketing the car keys, “Nah, much as I love bein’ stuck with ya anywhere, I don’ exactly wanna freeze out here with ya.” Jeremy called as he hopped out the car, experiment testing the snow depth by kicking some over. “May look nice now, but Coldfort winters are freakin’ BRUTAL at night.”

They snorted, hopping out and slamming their door behind them. “Heavy agree with that statement?” They inquired curiously, and the Scout only shrugged, walking over to sling an arm over their shoulder. “No clue, the guy just gets irritated whenever I ask him questions ‘bout Russia. Mr. Moody, I tell ya.” His companion chuckled, ducking their head into his shoulder as they walked past the treeline. Jeremy glanced around at the evergreens surrounding them, lightly covered in a dusting of snow. “I swear, looks like a postcard up here.” He said, and his companion nodded, head on his shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s really pretty here,” They muttered, reaching up to brush their gloved fingers on the underside of a passing tree. Jeremy watched, then smirked, ducking down when he was sure they weren’t paying attention. Before he could successfully smash his snowball atop his dates unprotected head, his vision was suddenly covered in white… and it became very cold. He yelped and reached up to swipe the snow away, starting with a stunned expression at his smug significant other, who was tossing a new snowball up and down in their hand.

“Heh, you really thought…”

“How th-... Wha…  _ HOW?! _ ” He sputtered, “Ya like a freakin’ ninja, I swear!” Jeremy quickly grinned, reaching down to grab his own arsenal, laughing as he felt his date’s weapon sail harmlessly over his head. “Babe, ya tryin’ to go up against a BASEBALL playa!” He teased, taking aim as they ducked behind a tree, “Ya gotta KNOW this won’t end well!”

“Yeah, but it’ll make for a good story to tell the guys?” They insisted, raising their arms in an attempt to block Scout’s attack. “‘Young, cocky kid from the East, fatefully loses to his badass-” “HEY!” He snapped, racing around the tree before taking off after them, his arms full of the icy weaponry of winter. “Ya forgot to use ‘dashing,’ or maybe ‘stunning’!” Jeremy said playfully, pressing his back against an evergreen as he waited for his date to make the next move. He kept his breath steady and quiet, listening as the crunch of snow under boots started to make his way back over to the direction they had come from. “Nah, I think the term ‘losing’ is perfect.”

“Oh YEAH?!” He yelled, snapping around and crashing into his date, sending the both of them sprawling onto the snow, Scout  on top. “‘Cause babe, I think I just won!” Jeremy cheered into the chilly air while his significant other rolled their eyes, shuffling under him. “Yeah, okay, sure… Let me up?” They asked, causing the Bostonian to glance down before smirking leaning down towards them. “Nah... I think the winner deserves a kiss, don’ ya?” He murmured, lightly bumping noses with his date with a grin on his face. They pretended to think about it, humming in thought, “Mmm… Maybe? I mean, you did kinda cheat at the end…” They teased lightly, causing Scout to scoff.

“Pfft, technicalities, babe. C’mon, tryin’ to make a romantic moment in the snow happenin’ here!” He whined slightly and his significant other chuckled, “Okay _ , fine.” _ Jeremy smiled, leaning down to lightly kiss his date… Only to be suddenly shoved back with a gasp. “J, look!” They insisted, ignoring Scout’s complaint at they scrambled up, jogging over to a nearby tree. Jeremy wiped his mouth at the taste of snow and tree from his significant other’s glove, before getting up to follow after them. “Look, this one is perfect for the base!” They insisted, as the Bostonian speedster caught up with them, gazing at the deep green spruce. “Yeah, this one does look pretty killer.” He said, crossing his arms. His date suddenly blinked, looking between him, the tree… and back again.

“... You left the axe in the car.”

“Hm?”

“Jeremy. The. Axe.”

“... Oh. Aw, crap.” 

“Yep.”

“...Wanna kiss romantically before we head back?”

“Eh, okay.”

It took a bit longer for Scout to go get that axe. Neither of them really complained

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!! Thanks for reading, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


	6. Demo Fic (Request) ((possible trigger warning, Proceed with Caution!!!))

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anon asked: ‘Could you do something cute with demoman, doesn’t matter what it is, I just want him to get some love. He seems to be the most ignored Merc.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Absolutely right, Anon, DEMO DESERVES LOVE AND ATTENTION... So, I made him a hero of the day in this little drabble, I hope you enjoy!!!)

**Warning: Possible trigger-warning, proceed with caution, also language and alcohol**

* * *

 

He knew there was something wrong with that sleazebag, the moment he walked it. Even as his team celebrated a nice Friday-night win, Demoman found his eye fixated on the greasy-haired weasel that stood next to a sweet, young woman, certainly a tourist, laughing along with her friends. Scout leaned over, “Yo, Scotty! C’mon, have a couple rounds, we ain’t got crap to do tomorrow!” Scout grinned, already looking a bit light on his feet, a wide grin on his face. Demo shook his head with a small chuckle, shaking his head. THe boy had finally turned of drinking age a couple months ago, and was intent on having every possible alcoholic drink before his half-birthday. 

An impressive feat, but Scout hadn’t quite understood the true pain and suffering the came from a night-long booze session.

“Maybe in o’ bit, laddy!” Demo said easily, in a jolly tone, before turning his attention back to Greasy McFly, eyes narrowed.

The thirty-something slimeball practically oozed of disgusting, downing another cheap-booze bottle and his eyes locked onto the lass beside him, who was laughing happily with her friends. Demo had to admit, the lady was easy on the eyes; small, but a nice feminine form, soft, brown locks and she looked absolutely stunning in those heels… Maybe if Demo was planning on laying off a couple extra bottles tonight, he might’ve felt the urge to introduce himself to such a nice-looking lass…

But his eyes were on the scoundrel that had one hand in his pocket, and the other eye-balling the lady’s temporarily forgotten.  _ ‘Doncha dare… _ ’ Demo thought, fingers curling tightly around his still unopened first bottle of the night, leaning forward in his seat. “ _ Doncha fuckin’ dare, ya shite… _ ” He muttered lowly, and Sniper gave him a sideways glance. 

“What’s happenin’, mate?” Sniper asked, brow raised as the Scotsman looked ready to pounce. Demo didn’t respond, and Sniper followed the man’s line of sight, before elbowing the living mammoth beside him when he saw the issue. “Oi, may want to go ‘ead outside… might have some  _ trash _ coming ya way.” Sniper said smoothly, and both Heavy and the team’s Engineer gave the Australian a curious glance. The two muttered some apologies, but found their way out of the booth and headed outside to wait.

Meanwhile, Demo watched as the lass gave a little surprise shriek, stepping away from her drink to go hug a forgotten friend, and the greasy haired punk made his move a second later, reaching out to quickly plop something in the girl’s drink, just as the lady turned around and started picking up her cup.

“Yae  _ fucker _ …” Demo snarled, slamming his bottle down and quickly making his way over, eye dark. He ignored the girl’s yelp of surprise as he snatched the contaminated drink from her hand, and shoved it under the nose of the man, who had the gall to look surprise. “Have a taste.” Demo bit out lowly, and the guys eyes went wide.

The bar around them, already small, went just a tad bit quieter.

“Ha… ah, w-what?” The man stuttered, eyes darting between the fuming Scot before him, and the confused lady next to them. The bartender leaned over, eyes narrowed. “Is there an issue here?” He said gruffly, looking between the two, hand stealthily twitching under the counter. “If there’s gonna be a brawl, take it outside.” Demo didn’t take his eye away from the greaseball before him, and smiled tightly, teeth practically bared in a forced grin. “Nah, no trouble ‘ere, lad!” Demo took a step closer, and the man had to lean back against the counter, gulping at the murderous look in the Black Scotsmans eye. “I was just thinkin’ maybe me ol’  _ pal _ ‘ere, should have a lil’ taste of his own brew, if yae know what I mean.” The bartender straightened a bit at the code, eyes zeroing in on the now-panicking guy, practically laying on his counter.

“Go on now…” Demo snarled, shoving the glass closer to the man’s face. “Take a wee sip, ‘m sure it tastes fine.”

The man was sweating buckets now, and his eyes darted between Demo, the frozen woman next to them, and the bartender that looked ready to snap his neck. The man smacked the glass out of the Scotsman's hand before darting towards the door. The bartender gave out a warrior-cry, producing his trusty, dented bat from under the counter and going to leap after the fleeing male, but Demo shook his head, holding him back. “Nah, got some of me friends out there… they’ve got it, lad.” There was a small pause, then, in the distance, Demo could faintly hear a friendly “Howdy!” from the friendly neighborhood Engineer, before a rather high-pitched scream let out into the night.

Yeah, the lads could take care of that situation, while he focused on something more important.

“Yae alright?” he asked in a friendly tone, to the poor misses who looked ready to faint. “I-i’m fine, t-thank you so much…” She stuttered, sitting back down at her bar-seat. Demo smiled kindly, taking his own seat, “‘m sorry about all tha’ trouble… couldn’ just stand by to watch, had to get somethin’ done.” She quickly shook her head eyes wide, “No, please! I mean, y-yeah, I didn’t get what was going on at first, but… if you… hadn’t…”She shuddered at the thought, sending a disgusted look out the front door. Demo snorted, “Don’ worry lass, he ain’t comin’ back ‘round ‘ere.” Demo growled, and the lady gave him a thankful look, smiling lightly.

Then, she reached over to give him a light peck on the cheek. “Thank you,” She said sincerely as Demo smiled, feeling his face redden slightly. She spun back on her bar seat, smiling easily, a bit calmer now. “Can I get you a drink or anything?” She asked, raising a brow, “As a thank you?” Demo shook his head, “Nah, ain’t quite in the mood for any drinkin’ tonight,” He said, then leaned his head into his hand, smiling easily at her. “Wouldn’ mind talkin’ tah ya, though… If ya ain’t leavin’, course.”

“Hmm..” She looked over her shoulder, eyeballing the clock for a long moment. She turned back with a smile, hazel eyes bright and cheery. “Nope, I think my friends wanna hang around a bit longer… i’ve got time.” Demo smiled, holding out his hand. “Tavish.” he said warmly, and the lass reached over to shake his hand with a smile of her own. “Dorothy.” She said kindly, sharing the smile with him.

It was a nice night at the bar, Tavish thought later. And with not a drop of bloody alcohol in his system. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Thanks for reading, Hope you enjoyed!!!)

**Author's Note:**

> Got a oneshot Request, or one he'll of a good idea!!! Send it HERE:
> 
> https://theewrites-tf2.tumblr.com/ask


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